When and And

I abhor the existence in this world of contradictions. I just wish someone, could get it.
But that is far too much to ask, I'm pretty damn sure.

When you move out of state because somehow you can't move on in your life otherwise.
And yet, in your new locale you feel paralyzed because you're stuck in the old place you always longed to escape because little people are there.

When you leave because you don't feel safe--your dreams of someone strangling you in your sleep, keep you from sleeping.
And yet, everyone asks you why and how you think your kids might be safe there. And you really don't feel like explaining for the umpteenth time how image is everything to him and because of this you are banking on him not harming them.

When you feel nothing but judgment in making the horrific decision to leave, to abandon your own children in another state, with him, when that was the one thing you swore he'd never beat out of you. You'd die first.
And guilt eats you for dinner every night when you go on living, even though it feels like the only choice you could have made, but all the same you think daily of dying.

When you're pretty sure they think you to be the Narcissist.
And you're just so exhausted from all the years of dealing that you don't have the energy to argue or fight back and so you just accept it and hope some people eventually see the truth that is too exhausting to fight for.