Someone Else's Life

Most days it feels as though I've woken up in someone else's life. I don't recognize my surroundings or the people I interact with. Everything and everyone is new.

The constancy of being a mother, a parent is gone, far off in the distance. I suppose this must be something like what happens when your kids leave the nest, except I am the one who has left what was left of "the nest." What family I have is a long way off.

My former colleague and friend is no one I recognize. She's not the person I thought she was.

I don't suppose I've ever felt more alone.

But, even still, I am here. Me, myself, and I. I keep on reframing this as my golden opportunity to return to being the me that I neglected when I was swept up into the narcissistic vortex of my ex. His all demanding world meant that there was no me, by default. I didn't really exist. I only mattered in so much as I was there to do what he wanted or demanded, it was never about me.

And maybe this is where I wake up in someone else's life. And that someone else's is my own. I suspect that my own life feels foreign precisely because I haven't been here so much. I haven't lived the life I'm meant to live. Somehow I must find the courage to get back to owning my own life and make my way through all this weirdness to the new day.